"A grownup is a child with layers on." ~Woody Harrelson

  There has been an all out movement in our house to pull our teenager out of a funk that he has been in since the beginning of the first deployment. Just like slowly getting out of shape, or slowly getting into debt, his youthful compass began veering away from North.
  Now that I look back at what happened, it is like it all happened in slow motion. They say when you are in an accident the minutes of impact and subsequent chaos become snapshots in your mind. Like the mind goes into freeze frame. That is what happened in our family during deployment. From the first moment of notification through the first half of deployment, I believe our oldest checked out of his childhood. I say the first half of the deployment because that is when he hit the place where he stayed emotionally. Looking back, I should have done something immediately to keep him from checking out. The problem was that I was dealing with all of my own emotions for the deployment and couldn't see what was happening to him.
 In the movie Shrek, the Ogre explains that he has "layers" much like an onion. You have to peel them all back to see what is in the core. Grownups are like that as well, with layers that have been put on over years since childhood for whatever reason. One of the most important parts of who we are is what happens in our childhood. I'm realizing now that our teenager began putting layers on a decade too soon.
 The consequences of this would be that he had checked out and stopped engaging in a time of his life that should be carefree. I can imagine, and I'm not an expert in this, that if he continued on this course he would be a very removed adult.
 The intervention for our son has been an interesting mix of things. An overabundance of affection, attention, dedication and commitment have been directed at him. We have sought out opportunities for him that would immerse him in childhood, much like a foreign language or culture. We found an environment for his education that is full of mentors and educators as well as well balanced youth. The nighttime discussions between my husband and myself are much like war gaming. We look at what is working, what isn't working and where to go next.
 A few weeks ago we began to see all our hard work pay off. Peaking out from the fog came a teenager who's compass points north. The discussions around the table are of dreams and hopes. The wisdom imparted to his younger siblings shows that he thinks about their future as well as his own. Most encouraging have been conversations that start with "When I grow up....".
  There will be plenty of time for the layers to form, as for now, we have a core to build.