Complaint Department II
"When you feel like a dog at the end of the day, chances are it's because you barked too much." ~ Anonymous
The four weeks of an injury and subsequent immobility of the last month has finally taken it's tool on my spirit. I can only begin to fathom what our Servicemembers feel when they return home from war with a physical disability. Life completely changes. I have no idea how this has come as a complete surprise to me but it has. In a few short weeks, I have stopped defining myself by what I can do and began seeing only what I can't do.
Last night it all culminated in a very moody and grumpy and unlivable woman that my kids probably don't recognize as their mom. At the end of the day, exhausted by a string of yucky events and the inability to do anything about them, as well as trying to maintain the schedule of a mom of three that is impossible, I lost it. I was the mom you see on those Nanny shows that needs remediation. I was the mom on those bad parenting videos that shows you how NOT to behave. I was the ranting lunatic. I went to bed, laying straight as a board, leg propped up on a pillow, tears running down my face, angry at the world.
When I woke up this morning, I felt horrible for my behavior. The ceiling above my bed that I cursed last night was a welcome sight. I was so thankful to have this day, and so remorseful for my actions of yesterday. My first words were "I'm sorry", my first actions were hugs and asking for forgiveness. Lucky for me, forgiveness was given.
I have said before that life is short. We have heard it time and time again to never let the sun set on your anger. My situation of a broken ankle and months of not being able to walk isn't ideal, but it isn't the end of the world. This is temporary, my relationship with my loved ones is worth more than a few angry moments or unkind words.
Today I have an opportunity to make the most of it all. A granted opportunity, one definitely not earned but given anyway. I'm going to take it. There are so many things that I CAN do........
The four weeks of an injury and subsequent immobility of the last month has finally taken it's tool on my spirit. I can only begin to fathom what our Servicemembers feel when they return home from war with a physical disability. Life completely changes. I have no idea how this has come as a complete surprise to me but it has. In a few short weeks, I have stopped defining myself by what I can do and began seeing only what I can't do.
Last night it all culminated in a very moody and grumpy and unlivable woman that my kids probably don't recognize as their mom. At the end of the day, exhausted by a string of yucky events and the inability to do anything about them, as well as trying to maintain the schedule of a mom of three that is impossible, I lost it. I was the mom you see on those Nanny shows that needs remediation. I was the mom on those bad parenting videos that shows you how NOT to behave. I was the ranting lunatic. I went to bed, laying straight as a board, leg propped up on a pillow, tears running down my face, angry at the world.
When I woke up this morning, I felt horrible for my behavior. The ceiling above my bed that I cursed last night was a welcome sight. I was so thankful to have this day, and so remorseful for my actions of yesterday. My first words were "I'm sorry", my first actions were hugs and asking for forgiveness. Lucky for me, forgiveness was given.
I have said before that life is short. We have heard it time and time again to never let the sun set on your anger. My situation of a broken ankle and months of not being able to walk isn't ideal, but it isn't the end of the world. This is temporary, my relationship with my loved ones is worth more than a few angry moments or unkind words.
Today I have an opportunity to make the most of it all. A granted opportunity, one definitely not earned but given anyway. I'm going to take it. There are so many things that I CAN do........
Girl, super woman mother that you are.......as mothers, we all have stared a time or two at that ceiling and prayed and mulled over "what on earth possessed me to do what ever it was that I was now regretting"......sigh....and with that said......I have this quote that was on my calendar thing, "Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck"
Other then that, I'm thinking you're normal, and you are soooo spot on when it comes to the barking thing. Pam, I thought about that all day. I'm guilty as charged. I too found myself yelling alot these past few days, because I have lots of homework due and I need to spend time with that. Yet I feel like this week, I have failed as a mother, and I am barking. Your sweet and raw post, made me stop and realize for a moment that I need to "B-R-E-A-T-H" and yes, I'm blessed to have been given another day to be a mother. Warmly, Deanna
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Amen and keep repeating it, but don't be so hard on yourself, you deserve a pity party now and then and I bet you were harder on yourself than on anybody! Hang in there!!! Love Ya, Lu
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