Notes 2 Grow

Who Will I Be?

Pam — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 06:34:42 GMT

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood." ~Berke Breathed

I could never have been a cheerleader. I couldn't turn a cartwheel and didn't have the form needed to make any team from elementary school through college. Any rhythm or movement talent that I have ever shown has been because of intense practice and work. When I was young, if you would have asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, a Cheerleader is not one of the things that I would have said.
Our daughter went to cheerleader camp yesterday for our local NFL team. In a flash I found myself immersed in a culture that I had never seen before. Spandex, long hair, loud music and big smiles everywhere. There was an advertisement on the radio early in the summer about this camp and it was something our daughter really said she really wanted to really do. Seeing as the youngest child had a week with our Major League Baseball Team for baseball camp, and our oldest child had a week of computer programming fresh out of MIT, it only seemed right.
We have never lived in an area that had any sort of major sports team. To have a national football team twenty minutes to the north and a major league baseball team nine minutes to the south is unbelievable. When we watch a game on the television and can see the blimp out of our front door that is televising the same game we really chuckle. Life just doesn't get any better than this.
Two days ago I overheard my children, prompted by middle child, talking about what they want to be when they grow up. They were having an in depth conversation about their futures and where they would be in just 15 years. Their wishes are so diverse. The oldest wants to own his own restaurant and be a world renowned chef or be a computer programmer. The middle wants to be a veterinarian or an animal trainer ( like the one with Shamu). The youngest wants to be a professional baseball player or help the oldest in his restaurant. As they talked about the future there were no limitations. The possibilities were endless.
As a mom this is where I want them to be. I can see their minds flipping through future scenarios like a person flipping through the songs on an old jukebox. Nothing is impossible.
It was with this thought in mind that I accompanied our daughter to that cheerleading camp. She doesn't know that her gene pool may not warrant her cheering her heart out at a football stadium. She has no idea that her own mom couldn't make the cut. She went in to the camp with excitement and energy and the childlike belief that this is where she was supposed to be. As I watched her learn her routine and practice with her coach there was one thing that stood out, her smile. That kid was so incredibly happy to be at cheerleading camp that she radiated. At one point in the three hour practice, when parental energy was lagging all over the arena, I looked at her smile and her energy and almost cried. Last night, if the moon needed to take a break, it could've, because our daughters smile would have lit up the skies.
I have no earthly idea what our children will turn out to be. What I do know is that I'll be there on the front row, cheering them on, with a really big smile.

Say What You Need To Say

Pam — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 06:28:03 GMT

"It's better to say too much than to never say what you need to say again." John Mayer ~ Say

At the National Guard Youth conference this year the youth learned ways to handle deployment. Some of the ways were communicate, exercise, eat right, and find a hobby. Each region took one of the skills they learned over the week and put it to a skit or song or presentation and showed it at the final dinner for all volunteers and staff attending the Volunteer Conference. They were amazing. Not only did the youth learn things that we all need to learn so we can thrive through the tough times in life, they taught us all in ways that I will remember for the rest of my life.
The one presentation that really got me was the communication skit. The youth learned to communicate their feelings instead of keep them inside. They set their message to music and chose John Mayer's song "Say" as the soundtrack. As they played out all of the emotions that come along with deployment, I couldn't help but cry. They had it right. Keeping your emotions inside at a time of stress can be detrimental. Everyone needs a voice for the feelings they are having.
It doesn't have to be a deployment for it to be a time when words must be said. The people that mean the most to you need to know how you feel. I believe one of the greatest regrets that a person can have is to not have said what needed to be said.
There is no time like the present. Take a deep breath and tell the people you love that you love them. If there is a deployment on the horizon, talk through the feelings of it all, especially with your children. Keep a journal if talking it out is too scary, find a battle buddy so you can work through all the crazy emotions you are feeling. Don't bottle it up inside, say what you need to say.

Practice What you Preach

Pam — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 07:48:51 GMT

"Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over. " ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr
I have a confession to make, I haven't been walking the walk. For 100 plus blogs I've been preaching to "Smell the flowers", "Don't sweat the small stuff", "Make Lemonade", "Cherish the moments", "Manage your time" and various other great ideas. I live that life 95% of the time. The last few days have been the 5% kind.
It wouldn't be all that bad if nobody was looking. It is summer break and I have three sets of eyes watching me as I've allowed my life to unravel. In my house, we call that "Taking prisoners". It is one thing to fall apart when the only person impacted is you. It is a whole other thing when falling apart impacts the lives of others around you. Especially when those lives are of little people who look to you to point North.
I'm not sure if it was "throwing up dog" or "mountain of paperwork" or "procrastinator's gone bad" or a combination of all three but it has gotten a little hairy around my house. My time has not been my own and my attitude, I'd like to think, is not one that I normally have either. Yesterday I said some things to my kids that will inevitably end up in big therapy bills. When I put them to sleep, all three (not just one), looked out of the side of their eyes at me like I was an alien. I used to have a magnet stuck to a file cabinet when I was a teacher that read "If you feel like a dog at the end of the day, chances are you barked too much" Amen
Today it is time to scale back. Time to reassess what I'm trying to do and what really matters. Today it is time to apologize to the "prisoners" for not being myself and to explain that I'll try to do better. Today I'll realign myself so my compass does point North because those around me need me to point the way. Today, I'll hang up the Superwoman outfit and be the woman I am best. Me.

Military Kids

Pam — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 06:56:27 GMT

"While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about."
~Angela Schwindt

We are caught up in school preparation in my house. Uniform buying, class registration, school orientation, last minute book list reading, dental cleanings and the mandatory school physical run our schedules. My mom reminded me last night that procrastination has brought this upon me, the harried effect of jamming it all into the week before school. She is right, and in an insane way, I like it this way.
We live far enough away from our military base that we warrant a civilian doctor. It is the first time in 17 years that I have valet parking services included with my doctor visits. Our family practice physician is a young, fit , knowledgeable man who also has a specialty in sports medicine. He doesn't have children yet. In an effort to streamline the check up process for my family, they doubled up on appointments so we could get the youngest and middle child finished. The older child had his checkup last week. Yesterday was the second day in a week that my family, sans overworked military member, overtook the doctors office. The valet guy loves us. I am sure that we are the only vehicle driving up with Radio Disney playing on the radio. The receptionists love us, when we show up they get to change the channel on the tv from the doctors ESPN to Cartoon Network or Radio Disney. The nurse practitioner loves us, she is reminded of a time gone by in her life when she was raising boys. I think she also secretly watches me to see if I'm twitching. She finds us hilarious.
We weren't in the waiting room a minute and a half when the youngest proclaimed that he needed to use the bathroom. With clearance to enter in, he walked through the door and went directly to the bathroom on the other side. He didn't shut the bathroom door offering up all the sounds and visibility of a toilet paper commercial. Said receptionists and nurse P chuckled as they recounted the event to me.
In the weight and height room, youngest and middle child stretched to new heights, recounting to the world the height requirements for the rides at their favorite amusement parks. It sounded like they were ordering up a heaping of a few inches here or there so they would make the cut next time. Nurse P would have given them anything they wanted if she had her magic wand.
The highlight of the visit came when our doctor entered in to check out the kids. He has a great manner with them, asking them the important questions instead of me. This lends itself to way more disclosure than I would like, but makes the children feel very special. First up was middle child, "Ladies First" was the excuse from Doc. Are you looking forward to school? Yes. What is your favorite subject? Science. What do you play outside? Bike riding and kickball. Do you wear your helmet when you ride? Sometimes. How often do you brush your teeth? Once to twice a day. What is your favorite food?
(This is where the military child takes over) Can I chose from any country? (Doctor looks at me out of the side of his face, I shrug) Any country you want... He says. German Schnitzel! Replies the military child. (Doctor remarks how he has never had such an ingenious answer, mom vows to make schnitzel for dinner to reward brilliant child.)
Next up is youngest child. Are you looking forward to school? Sort of. What is your favorite thing to do at school? Recess, PE, freeze tag. What do you play outside? Baseball, bike riding, swimming. Do you wear your helmet? No. How often do you brush your teeth? UM...... What is your favorite vegetable? (This is the point where I cringe. Youngest has started avoiding vegetables. Had Doc asked this question to middle child, we would have scored 100 on the verbal portion of the test.) Well, it is one that has a lot of vitamin C, but I don't like it. (same sideways glance from doctor, I've started to avoid eye contact) It's okay, you can tell me, says the Doc. Broccoli. (fesses up the youngest. I don't say that I didn't know that broccoli has vitamin C.) That's interesting , says Doc, most people don't know that broccoli has vitamin C. Youngest just nods.
The rest of the check ups went smoothly with a noticeable grin on the doctor's face. He has his share of patients who are children and he takes care of a lot of families. We are not his normal family of patients. We are a confident and quirky group. We have worldly experience that others only dream of. We have our flaws, we have our cracks and we have some very strong personality traits. Judging from the raucous laughter while we were in the doctors office as well as the huge smiles that we left behind, we are welcome. The military family.

America

Pam — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 08:29:48 GMT

“This nation has no mission of mediocrity. We were never meant to be second best. The spirit that built our country was bold, not timid. It was a spirit of pride,  confidence, and courage that we could do anything.” Ronald Reagan

    We watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics last night for family time. It was an awesome opportunity to share a moment in history with our children and to relive the first Olympics that we remembered as kids. It also opened conversation about different countries and governments and how things in other parts of the world are not like America. Our children were flabbergasted to know that in China you are only allowed to have one child. They have heard about this and have heard me talk incessently about all of the freedoms that we have, but last night it all sunk in.
    When I was only a little older than our middle child, I went to Communist East Germany with my mom. I left behind the Rocky movies, my MTV, Atari, and the beaches of Daytona to see my aunt who lived on the other side of the wall. When we flew into West Berlin I could sense my mom's anxiety. She had escaped through the wall she would now cross back over through a checkpoint. We went into the checkpoint area with our travel Visas and made it to the Eastern side with little trouble. When we stepped into the Eastern side it was like walking into a coloring book without color. Everything was grey, everyone looked washed out. For a ten year old girl leaving behind the freedoms of America, this was an eye opening experience.
    Last night we talked about the differences between a democracy and a communist state. I told my children about my experience that summer and how things were vastly different from our country. After comparing the two types of governments, our daughter proclaimed, "There isn't much wrong with our country is there Mom?"
    There isn't much wrong with our country. We are afforded incredible freedoms that other people can only dream about. If I'm not happy with our government, I can speak my mind and have my opinion without worry of persecution. If I chose to have a family with three beautiful children as opposed to one, I don't have to ask permission but only to count my blessings. If I want to go to college, I don't have to have the blessing of a teacher or the markings of a genius, I simply have to strive to do my best. As a woman I have the right to vote for our elected officials, the right to make an educated decision about who will lead the country that means so much to me and my children's children. This country is not lead by a ruling class, but by the people for the people.
    Indeed, there isn't much wrong with this country.
    In fact, there is a whole lot right with my country.

Through the cracks

Pam — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 23:01:58 GMT

"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." ~Barbara Bloom

A rock hit my windshield today while I was driving on the highway. It was a big rock, I was driving fast and it made a loud thunk when it broke the glass. My first reaction was one of shock because the sound was loud and the impact was severe. The spot began to creep like a spiderweb immediately and I was helpless to the effects it had on my windshield.
My life has been like this. There have been times when events of the day have hit as hard as that rock did. The shock and the impact were just as severe. When we moved to Korea and I found myself behind a large wall in a foreign country unable to speak the language or understand the culture, it was a jarring change. The uncertainty crept through me as I questioned my confidence in moving so far away from home. When I realized that I was only able to manage my attitude instead of the situation, my focus changed from the differences of our new host nation to the unique opportunity we were afforded to live in Asia. My time in Korea changed me forever.
When I turned my truck into the sunlight to return to my starting place, something amazing happened to the crack in the windshield. It glistened and shone. Where there once was only light shining in, there was now a prism, a rainbow. Life is like this too. The things that appear to be horrible flaws in our plans or our character or our ideals turn out to be the means to a very beautiful discovery. When things are shattered or disrupted, it is very often the time that we learn the most.
Jo Dee Messina has a song that I love titled I Wear My Life. It is a song about living a life that shows on the outside. My life has been full of amazing things. I have my flaws and scars and cracks. Where I've been has left a mark on me and it is through those marks that I see more and more of my rainbows. It is a life worth wearing.

Measuring Up II

Pam — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 07:15:56 GMT

"Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do." ~Jean de la Bruyere

It has happened. Our youngest child has grown up to the size that is required for all of the cool rides. Right under my nose, my last excuse for sitting that loop de loop roller coaster out has disappeared. It happened Sunday and I wasn't even there to see it.
With only days left on our Disney season passes, my husband and children went to revisit the things they have enjoyed the most. Our youngest has been such a trooper, knowing that there would be a ride at every place that had a measuring stick he couldn't measure up to. We have become masters at dealing with this disappointment, whisking him away to something near by that only he and whichever left behind parent would do.
From all accounts, Sunday was different. Before we ever left the house I pulled out the measuring tape from my sewing kit. I had a hunch that he had grown those last few inches, and by my measurements, I was right. Without causing his hopes to soar I mentioned that this trip my be the most exciting one yet. The family went to Disney Quest and the "Build Your Own" roller coaster ride was up and running. Our youngest went to the measuring station and passed the height check. Every step of the way as they waited in line, he was measured. Every step of the way as they waited in line, he measured up. His excitement was overwhelming. Every few steps toward the ride he would grab my husband and hug him, so excited to finally be let into the area that was once off limits.
We have enjoyed numerous days in the parks of Disney. We have seen our children's faces light up when the fireworks went off or the parade passed. We have relived our childhood walking the streets of Mainstreet USA with our children. Now, we have marked a milestone with our youngest as he grew into the bigger rides. These days have passed all too quickly for us. The memories are priceless and the lessons are many.
~With a little time and a whole lot of patience, the things that aren't available now will one day be ours.
~The best things in life are worth the wait.
~Being a part of the joy of a child is one of the greatest gifts a parent can ever experience.
~Watching as your child grows up, measures up, reaches new heights...........that's priceless.

Weekend Mornings

Pam — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 08:20:39 GMT

"Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them. " ~John Shirley
I love the promise of a Saturday morning. To wake up to the quiet of everyone sleeping and read my paper knowing my whole family is under one roof.
It hasn't always been this good. There were places we lived where the only Saturday paper I could get was online. We lived too far out in a town in a foreign country where the Stars and Stripes wasn't delivered. I'm not of the generation who can read a paper on my computer. It doesn't feel right. I love having the paper in my hands stretched across my lap with my country's news to chew on. When we lived in Korea, the Stars and Stripes would be delivered the night before. I used to chuckle when I read tomorrow's news. Where we live now, the paper is thrown on my driveway every morning by 5:30 am. It has been one year now, that we have lived here, and not one day has gone by that I don't thank God for the chance to walk barefoot on to my driveway to pick up my local paper.
There have been Saturday mornings when I've woken up and my whole family hasn't been under one roof. During deployment's, I hated weekends. I felt the pressure as a single parent trying to make the weekend everything it could be for our children. I would jam a bunch of family oriented events into two days so the children wouldn't feel the void of their dad being gone. By Monday I was exhausted and acutely aware of my limitations. I secretly wished every weekend to go away.
On Sunday mornings we would try to meet on a video teleconference with Vic. I'd grab my coffee and go online, waiting for some sign that Vic was able to get in to the morale tent for our twenty minutes. For those minutes, the kids would run in and out to talk to dad and I'd get the time in between. In some strange way it felt like we were together under one roof. Our youngest would yell to his siblings that "Dad was home" everytime he realized that Dad was on the computer. It also felt a little weird, like the end of the Space Mountain ride when they are showing you the future and the family is talking over television. When our time was up and we had to get off the computer conference, the weekend would return back to what it was before, go through the motions of a family not together.
As I look around my now bustling house I'm so thankful. We are all in attendance. For this weekend I have what so many of our military families don't, my husband is home. I'll spend my weekend with gratitude and marked steps. I'll bookend my weekend with prayers for those who are around the world wishing their weekend would go away. I've been there and I haven't forgotten.

Got a Minute?

Pam — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 05:48:54 GMT

"Much may be done in those little shreds and patches of time which every day produces, and which most men throw away. " ~Charles Caleb Colton
Franklin Covey, in his Seven Habits of Effective People, talks about a Circle of Concern and a Circle of Influence. The Circle of Concern is like the larger part of a bullseye, the outside rings of our lives where things linger that we are worried about. The Circle of Influence is like the inside of the bullseye, the bullseye as it were, where things that we can effect reside. He explains an interesting phenomenon that I believe to be true. The time you concentrate on one circle effects the other. If I concentrate on my Circle of Influence, on the things I can make a difference about, then my Circle of Concern gets smaller. The things I'm worried about get smaller. If I concentrate on my Circle of Concern, the things I'm worried about, then my Circle of Influence - the things I can impact, gets smaller. It makes sense.
The greatest example would be time. Everyone worries about their time, especially about the future or the past. We have little control over the future and even less over the past yet they are definitely in our circle of concern. The time I have right now, my present, is in my circle of influence. That is the only time that I can impact. If I concentrate on the future or past too much, my influence over today will decrease. If I concentrate on today, my concern for the future or the past will minimize.
That is the power of right now. We don't have to imagine what a consorted effort of people using their time wisely can do. Look at Habitat for Humanity. Hundreds of volunteers dedicate their present time to building a house and it is done. One minute at a time, many hands in on the work. Go to a soup kitchen the hours leading up to feeding time through the time it takes to clean up and see what the power of minutes can do under the hands of those saints who cook, serve and clean.
Last week a gentleman stopped me in a restaurant as I was returning to my table from the restroom. He was eating alone at the bar and he had a question for me. He was traveling on business and his son was about to deploy for a second time to Iraq. I have no idea how he knew that I was a military wife. I have no idea why he felt that it was me he had to talk to. I stopped and listened. He was concerned about his son, he was unsure of the situation "over there" and was beginning to question if he could support his child through another deployment, emotionally and mentally. I was able to give him some guidance on resources to plug into that would direct his energy. I couldn't promise him that everything would be okay, but I let him know that his feelings were very normal. When our conversation ended, I could see on his face that he was relieved. He thanked me for taking the time out to talk to him. As I walked to my table I looked at my watch and noticed that the conversation took less than seven minutes. Seven minutes to calm the fears of a parent. Seven minutes to point someone to the myriad of resources that are out there for the families of our service members. Seven minutes to take what I've learned in the face of deployments and a life as a military wife and to use it to help someone.
I had only that time at that moment and for me it was time well spent.

Knowing the Words

Pam — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:46:45 GMT

"Life is a song. Love is the music." ~Author Unknown

The songs of my childhood and teenage years have come back to the radio because of musicals. Abba plays through my house as my kids dance because Mama Mia, the now movie and long time popular musical, is taking over the summer. As we dance around the house, my children are amazed that I know ALL the words to ALL the songs. That is what being a teenager will do for you. Those times in our lives are imprinted in our hearts and our souls. There is something so amazing about knowing the words to my favorite songs.
I was recently at a ballgame in St Louis. I'm not a Cardinals fan, but I am a baseball fan and being in such a beautiful ballpark was good for my soul. The scoreboard flashed a question during a break that surprised me. "If your life had one song accompany it, what would it be?" I'm not accustomed to profound questions at the ballgame. Most games I only have to ponder pretzels or peanuts. Songs of my life started flashing through my mind. How could I possibly chose ONE song for my life soundtrack? I chose Bon Jovi, It's My Life, because it is. Now or never, I need to do what I can do to make the world a better place. My friend chose Sinatra. Then the game resumed.
The truth is, life is too big to have just one song. I believe that every song that I know the words to, every song that has been imprinted in my mind holds a little spot on my life's playlist. The great thing is that there are many songs of various genre. The really great thing is that, for all of them, I know the words.

Laughter

Pam — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:43:00 GMT

"Laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life." ~Hugh Sidey

I was away on a trip last week where I was insanely busy and under a lot of stressful deadlines. I didn't sleep as much as I should have and I didn't eat as well as I know I need to and I generally didn't take care of myself. I did however laugh a lot. I know it was a combination of the people I was working with and the lack of sleep part, but we laughed ourselves silly most days. Not just chuckles, I'm talking deep down belly laughs that make you lose your breath.
I like being a comedian. There are people who say I should stick to my day job. On occasion, I can start a chuckle among my friends that turns into a laughfest. To see the people I care about laughing is one of the good things in my life. When you see a smile overflow on a friends face and turn into eyes that dance, there is nothing better.
This morning, those smiling faces came washing back over me. I read a top 10 list in the paper about what bothered someone and it immediately reminded me of those moments last week. I don't know the correlation between that list and my friend's laughter ~ maybe I could imagine the author not being happy or I just wondered where his friends were to give him something else to write about. I can see the smiles now, I can hear the laughter in more places with more faces than I can count. I'm remembering how incredibly happy everyone was to be together. I'm thankful to have a life filled with a list like mine and not the list in the paper.
Today, chuckle a little or laugh a lot. Find a joke or a comedy or a good friend that will cause your eyes to dance and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Joy like that is a good thing. One of life's beautiful things........

All In

Pam — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:58:57 GMT

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~Anaïs Nin, Diary, 1969"

Occasionally we will watch the World Series of Poker on television. It isn't as much about the card game as it is about the strategy that is being played. Some people wear sunglasses so their opponents can't see their eyes, others try to bluff their opponents out of the game by driving up the stakes. My favorite part of the competition is when someone calls "All In" and bets their whole pot of money on they cards in their hand. This makes my heart race. Someone has to believe in the hand they have been dealt with great conviction in order to bet everything they have on it. The moments that they wait to see if they were right about their cards, to see if they were indeed the highest hand, are really agonizing. It is win or lose at that point.
We have come to use that terminology alot in my house. After a fun game of Monopoly, we put our hands in the middle of the table and we call "All In". In this respect we are putting all hands in for a nighttime cheer as a family. Everyone in, nobody is left behind. We have also used "All In" to reference how we feel about an issue or where Vic or I are coming from emotionally about something that we are involved in. When he deployed with his units, he was All In for the betterment of the troops he was surrounded with. When I volunteered for the FRG and the community, I was All In as a military spouse wanting to make a difference for those around me. We have found an incredible school for our children and we are All In as a family. We have the shirts, we have the stickers on the car, we will be at football games and baseball games and booster club events. Most recently I have proclaimed All In in regards to our National Guard Family Programs. Our families of our citizen Soldiers and Airmen deserve nothing short of the best programs that we can provide and somehow I know I have to be a part of that. Not just a small part, but with everything I've got.
It is no small task to decide that you will support something with everything you have. You have to have the courage to give everything. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, to put all of the force of everything you are behind something that you know is a hand worthy of being played. It is a conviction of the heart.
With a card game the stakes are high and the chance of losing is always there.
In the game of life, the only way you can lose is if you hold back. The only way to lose is to not give it all.

Part of the Equation

Pam — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:09:28 GMT

"If your inner energy is misdirected, so will your whole life be." ~C. Astrid Weber

Someone once told me that God's will will be done, that things that are destined to happen will happen regardless if I am involved or not. My choice is to be in a place of action when things are happening or to get out of the way. If it is not me being an advocate for change or direction or championing a cause, then it will be someone else. If it is not me being a link in the chain that will hook someone into their authentic life, then it will be someone else. If it is not me being a part of the quilt that colors the world then it will be someone else. This thought really stuck with me. The thought of stepping out or away from a force so incredible bothered me. At the end of the day, I want to be part of the good things that happen in life and not the person who watches it happen around me.
It is like an equation. When I was in High School, I had an uncanny ability to look at an equation and know the answer without doing the work to solve it. This would have been fine if it didn't make my homework and tests look like I was cheating. Without the work to show for it, my instructor couldn't be sure that I understood the problem and came to the conclusion correctly. My teacher, a retired Army Colonel, talked me through my predicament. One day in class he asked me to come to the board and do a problem. I wrote the problem up and the answer and sat down. When it came time to review the problem he made me return to the board and explain my work. There was no work to explain. The Colonel asked me to start at the end of the equation, with the answer and work my way back to the beginning. As awkward as it seemed at the time, this was easier for me than working the other way around. Once I went backwards, I could easily teach the rest of the class from start to finish. Without that insight, I would have missed many crucial steps in the equation that dictated why the answer was what it wound up being. The Colonel helped me to realize how important the steps are in between.
I've been in places where I've watched amazing things happening and I've not be a part of it all. I've been in places where I've been part of the equation, involved in all aspects of the great things going on. I prefer the latter. It feels really good to be part of the equation. When you know you can help, when you are sure that there is a reason for your being somewhere, it is an amazing thing. To be connected to LIFE where you are supposed to be. There is nothing better.

What's in YOUR Lunchbox?

Pam — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:03:30 GMT

"True wealth is what you are, not what you have." From "I love you, Mom"

This whole blog thing started because my daughter asked me about a book I found and left out on the counter. When I left for college, my mother gave me one of those small books called "I love you, Mom". It was filled with quotes and sayings that the authors mom put in letters and lunch boxes. My mom signed the bottoms of the ones in the book that she wanted me to really head. Our daughter asked me about the book and I told her about receiving it the weekend before I left for college. She began to read it and promptly requested that I start putting notes in her lunch box like the ones in the book. I quickly exhausted the "second grade" relevant sayings and started writing my favorite quotes on papers that would accompany lunch.
After a week went by, our daughters teacher sent an email asking if the quotes could be shared with the class. They were being shared with her at lunch and she felt that the quotes would be beneficial to the whole class. The quotes were motivating her days and she wanted the same thing for the class. The daily quotes became a huge success as the children shared them with me at the end of the day.
A few days ago our daughter was looking for wax for her braces and pulled out her lunch box for the backup stash. As she opened the side pocket a million little papers fell out. When I asked her what they were she replied "The quotes you wrote for me". There in front of me were eight months of small papers of wisdom and a testimony to the importance of sharing what we know. She wouldn't throw them away, they were important for her to keep them this long.
I began to read. In the crumpled papers were some beautiful pearls of wisdom that I had forgotten were shared. In the pile of scraps were quotes that I needed to read and remember.
This is the premise that Notes to Grow was started on; with a wise word and a motivating thought, we can make it through anything. Whether that be lunch in second grade or major life changes in your almost 40's.
Here are a few of the scraps that need to be shared:

"It's easy to walk when the road is flat. God gives us mountains so we learn how to climb."

"He who goes out of his house in search of happiness runs after a shadow."

"You are smarter than you think, stronger than you feel and braver than you believe."

"We know it matters not what we have been but this and always this - what we shall be."

In Sync

Pam — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:42:01 GMT

"It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn't matter who gets the credit." ~Author Unknown

Josh Hamilton set a world record yesterday at the Homerun Derby in Yankee Stadium. He hit 28 homeruns in the first round with three being over 500 feet long. It was a dream of his to be at the competition yesterday and a bigger dream still to hit so well. The fans in the stands were on their feet chanting his name while Rocky music blared over the loudspeaker. Hall of Famer, Reggie Jackson stood near the dugout and watched as he made history.
The rest of the story is about the man pitching to him. Josh asked his batting practice pitcher from his teenage years to pitch to him at the derby. He was a volunteer coach and he is now 71 years old. For Josh's moment in the sun he asked the man who made a difference in his life years ago to be there with him. To watch them as they went through the motions was like watching perfection. Coach Counsil would pitch, and Josh would hit it out of the park. Again and again and again. That is what happens when two people are in sync.
It feels the same way when a marriage is on track. No matter who is watching or what the stressors are, two people connected can do great things. I've seen this with Commanders and their First Sergeant's, Pilots and their wingmen, Military wives and their Battle Buddy's. Once connected for a common goal, it doesn't matter who the music is playing for or the name the fans are chanting, they are in it together. It's like watching perfection and it reminds me of how beautiful the human race really is.

LIFE

Pam — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:27:59 GMT

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." ~Thornton Wilder

I had a subscription to LIFE magazine when I was in college. I would look forward to the beginning of the month when my new magazine would come and I could pour over each page, savoring the beautiful pictures. My college roommates would tease me as I OOOOHHHHed and AAAAHHHHed over the pictures of places I longed to go to. They got to where they would warn each other that it was a "New Life magazine sort of day" and I am convinced they spent those days in the library until I was done reading.
I forgot that I loved that magazine so much until this weekend. We went out on my father's boat for a ride through the canals of the river along which I grew up. My husband, children, father and myself, cruising along the marshes of Florida on an overcast Sunday. As I sat in the front of the boat, I was taken by how incredibly familiar this place was. I used to water ski this area with friends and spend hours on docks figuring out who I was as a teenager. As much as I have changed in 25 years, this area had not. It was still the same. We were surrounded by green, lush trees and marshes with brackish water as calm as glass. Above us there was the same blue sky with clouds, some white and some black threatening to rain. The sun shone through and was warm and bright. I felt as if I had stepped back into one of the pages of a LIFE magazine.
I am so thankful to have a life that is so rich. LIFE magazine used to show me the beauty and majesty of this incredible planet and expose me to everyday snapshots of places I could only imagine existed. On the river yesterday, I was in one of those pictures. I believe when we slow our life down enough to really examine it, we are surrounded by beauty. We are surrounded by the things we treasure. We are surrounded by the things that, if captured in a full picture, would also show the majesty of this planet.
LIFE magazine is no longer in circulation, but the Life around me is. I'm making sure I'm a subscriber.

The Power of a Smile

Pam — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 04:45:47 GMT

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. " ~Mother Teresa

I was at a sporting event this weekend, fulfilling my "things I have to do in my life with my kids" list, when a stranger reminded me of something incredibly important. I had settled my family into the perfect spot to watch the pre race concert and enjoy the festivities and had run back to grab some food and much needed drinks. As I walked through the crowd a perfect stranger hit me in the arm. Surprised by this I looked up at the offender only to see a kind man smiling at me. "Smile!" he demanded. I had so much on my mind that I had completely forgotten to slow down, take in the experience and enjoy my life.
Yesterday I was in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for my mom to complete the registration process for surgery. I sat in a very busy area where people were bustling past me. With nothing to do but wait, I watched them. One lady passed and looked at me, she was obviously smuggling in fast food for a patient. I smiled at her. She stopped and said "You will never know how wonderful your smile is to me this morning."
Later, in my mom's hospital room after surgery, a respiratory therapist came in who had been with us at her previous surgery. His smile, his attitude and his entire personality lit up the room. She remembered him immediately from before. He needed her to do some breathing exercises that would be painful following the surgery she just had and I braced for her reaction. Reluctantly she took up the breathing apparatus and looked up at him as he directed her on what to do. His smile cheered her on as she completed her exercises. When she thanked him for his smile he told us that he teaches first year medical students. The most important thing he teaches them is that the day they cannot come into a hospital room with a smile is the day they need to find a new job.
A smile is an easy gesture to forget in the midst of a busy or stressful day but it may be the most important thing we do. From the gentleman at the race, to the woman in the waiting room to the therapist by my mom's bedside, each smile was a gift, given when needed most.

The List

Pam — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 06:42:34 GMT

"Nothing is worth more than this day. " ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I was reading in one of my favorite magazines yesterday and it had questioned readers to list their top three things on their lifelong to-do list. The lists brought me to tears, for how profoundly written they were; "Hold my children, hold my children's children, hold my children's children's children" and how simple some of them were; " Find a way to enjoy doing the laundry."
Many of the things that were on reader's lists I have done, and their lists caused me to reflect on how rich my life is.
I'm not a risk taker but I am a seize the moment type of gal. I'm not the type to stand around and wish longingly for the day I can do something. If I get it in my mind to do something, then it becomes all encompassing to get there and complete that something. I'm a doer. For this reason, my list is ever changing. For this reason, I believe my husband is worn out trying to keep up with all the activity I plan. For this reason, my life has been rich with memories of things done and not just wished for.
I spent most of my young life growing up in Daytona Beach, Florida ~ home of NASCAR. I went to a race in Daytona once. As Vic deployed, watching these races became more and more important. Sunday's while he was downrange, we would watch together, miles apart. For one race, the pre-show band was Bon Jovi. Their newest song was "Who Says You Can't Go Home". As they sang and I watched alone with Vic deployed, I knew that I'd have to be there one day, at the July race, celebrating my home town and my favorite holiday and this sport that had come to mean so much.
Tickets for the Daytona 400 went on sale in the spring and I knew I had to have them. They are hanging right now in our race bag in the kitchen, five passes, five fan zone passes too for the concerts before the race.
Going the race in Daytona for fourth of July weekend? It is on my list.

In the Rear View Mirror

Pam — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:41:40 GMT

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning." ~Ivy Baker Priest

The first time I left a post with Vic was after he graduated from West Point and he was driving away from his home of four years to move on to his career in the military. His truck was loaded up with all of his personal items and my suitcase to fly home. As we drove off post, he paused to take a picture of the front gate in his rear view mirror. After four years of the Academy, he was so thrilled to bid West Point adieu.
Of our seven + moves, not all have been as thrilling. There were mixed emotions when driving away from posts where babies were born, maturity gained, homes bought and sold, jobs earned and left behind, and friends and memories made. All of the places where we have lived have become the hallowed ground of the family we are now. When we drove away from our posts, I knew the likelihood of returning was slim. I learned really early on to take photos of everything and to put the pictures of our life in scrapbooks so we could reminisce about those times. When it came to the end of each tour at each place it became clear that the time we had there would be an important part of all that we are. That is where the mixed emotions come in; the end of a chapter that went well, the beginning of the uncertainty of what lies ahead, the sorrow for leaving someplace I may never see again and the acknowledgment that time goes by quickly.
I am unsure which move it was that we coined a phrase, but our family motto for PCS time (Permanent change of station) is "The most important things are what we leave with in the car" This works for airplanes too. We have driven away from every post with our children, dog, and assorted items of importance and focused solely on those things. As for the assorted Earthly goods that have packed up and shipped out in moving truck or freight crate they are dispensable. We keep our eyes on the things that matter most, and worry little about the rest. The perspective needs to be narrowed to that which is important, that which is right in front of me, my family and our new beginning.

Comfort Items

Pam — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 06:22:40 GMT

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~From the television show The Wonder Years

When Soldiers pack their bags for war, they put in a few things that are important to them. These things are called comfort items. Vic took a few pictures from home, a necklace from his grandfather, and ID bracelet from his parents, his favorite baseball cap, a cross on his dog tag chain and a game system to keep him busy on the long trip over there. In Korea, Soldiers who were away from home for one year tours brought trinkets that meant a lot. Statues, pictures and items to put on their desk that reminded them of their home in the US.
When our family travels, the kids all pack their own bags of things. I used to pack items for them, inevitably forgetting the one thing they felt they had to have. I learned quickly to set out bags for them, give them a two hour time limit and tell them to pack the things they wanted to take on our trip. What they pack in those bags has given me incredible insight into what matters most to our children.
During the deployments, those bags would be mostly filled by a special pillow made for the kids by my dear friend. Each child brought their red, white and blue pillow with Vic's picture on it. Nothing else in the bag was as important as bringing their dad with them.
Our youngest child is the one with the most peculiar stuff. Last time we took a trip he packed a Successories picture of a football player that said "You are either part of the pavement or part of the steamroller" Something like that. I can't imagine what the guard at the metal detector must have thought x raying that bag of tricks. Rule number one on the bags is that I don't go into them to see what they have brought prior to leaving. I give them the responsibility to pack them, I'm not going to nitpick their items and make them justify why they are bringing certain things. That is why I had no idea that picture was in the bag until we arrived at our destination and the youngest pulled it out and put it next to his bed.
We are away from home this week, visiting my mom. Yesterday when I put on my jewelry that was on the dresser in the guest room, I noticed something that didn't fit into the decor. In the middle of the dresser was our youngest's baseball trophy. For a moment I didn't know how it had gotten here, and then I remembered the bag. On this trip, the comfort item was his trophy, something he loves, something he is, and something he never wants to lose. It's important to him.